Unwell

I have been unwell since Sunday. I think this is my longest bout of sickness...since a long time. I cannot remember being this weak for a long long time. I barely have enough breath to walk up the stairs. The mild winter breeze chilled my bones to the core. While my fever has subsided, but it is recurring at will. Considering the swine flu paranoia at the moment, i cannot even get some antibiotics for my possibly viral infection. damnit. and now, i have the chesty cough.

I hate winter!

Mid-winter Monday

Mid-winter Monday.
Date: 22/6/2009
Time: 11.35am

Temperature: 6°C
Current weather: Light Drizzle
Wind: West at 7 km/h
Rainfall: 0.2mm (last hour)
Humidity: 94% (source: NZ Metz)
Traffic: Light

SAT Word to describe my current mood: Ambivalence
Definition: Ambivalence - 1. uncertainty or fluctuation mood 2. conflicting feelings toward something or someone Source: Dictionary

I love to read blogs....

especially those that make me tick.

"Orang-orang cina dan india kena sedar sikit siapa diri kamu itu. Kamu tu pendatang yang datang ke negara kami dan menumpang disini. Dah banyak kami bagi kemudahan kepada kamu. Sekarang kamu nak kuasa politik dan taraf bumi pula. Sorry ! Sorry ! Sorry ! Podah chit..........

Kamu semua kena sedar sikit ,kedudukan kamu semua itu sama saja dengan pendatang-pendatang Bangladesh,India,Nepal,Vietnam dll yang berada di Malaysia sekarang ini. Kalau macam tu satu hari nanti mereka-mereka ini semua boleh lah minta apa yang kamu minta tu.

Tolong cermin diri sikit.

Kalau tak ada cermin, ambil tempurung kelapa,kemudian kencing dalam tempurung dan tilik muka kamu dalam air kencing yang dalam tempurung tersebut." Source: Ruang bicara Faisal

I am gradually liking MCA! Yay!

Sick malaysian

READ Four pupils forced to perform oral sex on teacher

Malaysians are sick? how often we see this kind of news? Is the country as a whole being suppressed too much sexually, that some of us just go crazy? Honestly, i rather legalised pornography and prostitution - than to have bullshit news like this.

what do you think?

losing myself in the search of meaning....

i typed that on my facebook update just a couple of hours ago. Today, like many other winter Sundays, has been a melancholy one. It must be the weather, because i always go into mild depression at the start of the winter season. It was the same last year and the year before..In my undergraduate years, such 'winter blues' were not overtly observed because typically, i would be killing myself over my numerous final exams. So, it's true....the arrival of winter kills any joy and happiness in me.

i wonder, how many of you, even felt lost? lost not in the sense of losing ones' direction...but losing oneself. I cannot tell whether I am living the life i want at the moment. in fact, i begin to lose the idea of the life i want. What is the principal goal of my life? why am i here? why am i doing what i am doing? Basic questions. My best friend, Jacky, inevitably told me a simple gem - "everyone kind of go through that (this) phase". So every now and then, people will question their sense of existence, and meaning of living? Mm...deep indeed.. (Jacky over the years of his legal education, have grown from our group's overt joker, to a deep intellect. I am freaking proud of him. anyway, that's not what i want to talk about...)

Anyway, yeah....seemingly, this process of making philosophical discovery (i.e. phd), i have somewhat lost myself. Perhaps it's the years i spent in this institution. Perhaps it is the inevitable process of maturity that i am going through (as postulated by jacky). Perhaps, I am just mildly depressed. Either way, i find no escape from this dilemma. the more i think of it, the more viscious this cycle of dark thoughts become.

It is a mild theraphy though for me, when i browse through my friends' facebook pages, as well as some random lifestyle blogs. People are living their lives, be it happy or sad, without any particular sense of purpose. Many have gone through the phases of life - growing up, studying, working, having a family, mortgage, kids and what not and finally dying. What is driving many other people? I am lost...more than ever.

Perhaps the answer lies in nothingness. Ignorant is bliss and not to have the time and pleasure of thinking is perhaps the best cure.

I am obsesses with Zee Avi

Who is Zee Avi? She is a new singer/songwriter, who hailed from Miri/Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, and currently is cooking up a storm in the US music scene. Her debut self-titled album - Zee Avi and its hot single - Bitter Heart was Just released on the 19th May 2009. Weee! So I am pretty updated lah. Anyway, she was discovered by Bushfire Records after posting her self-written music/songs on Youtube. Her first 'hit' was a Christmas tune that she posted on you tube sometime ago. The song is absolutely awesome. In fact, i have been playing this particular song for the past 3-4 days.



Anyway, the fact that she is a Malaysian is secondary. She does have an absolutely gorgeous voice and mesmerising & catchy tunes. :) Check her "Bitter Heart" MTV out here Unfortunately, her album is yet to be released in NZ...i guess i jsut have to wait. Telll me what you think.

update!: Her album was reviewed by Rollingstone...wow. but unfortunately, just 2/5 stars. Boo to Rollingstone. But the folks at Michigan Daily gave her 4.5/5 stars. Yay!

update 2: (yes, i am THAT excited). You can download her first hit "No Christmas for me" For FREE at JackJohnson's ilike site

Update 3: (this is the last!) ..i found a link (might work for the next few days) for downloading all her songs of this new album. grrr..i hate to recommend 'stealing' but if she is not available in the stores (even on nz itunes) ...this is my last resort. :D

republic of Malaysia

does it matter?

patriots will fight for the country. hypocrites will run and hide. When do we become patriots, and when do we become hypocrites? Fight for the country? what fight? Does the "country" need you to fight for it? When does it all begin..and when does it all end?

many (of us) don't seem to care. does it matter?

i shed my tears for you , malaysia - republic or not.

expression

blogging is supposed to be personal, deep and intimate. Yet, many of us have come to the point that blogging is a chore. It was an escape to me when it all started. Here is where i can express my thoughts, ideas, feelings and emotions. Those very expressions however, had altered the course of my life. anyway, i wasn't here to write about my deranged mind.

I read back some of my recent post blogs - and i don't like it. My blog seems so impersonal now, and i hardly see myself on it. Perhaps that's me? I have overtime turned into this emotionless creature, lacking of spirit, emotion and expression? I fail to see any hints of brilliance in my own writing anymore. (or does it ever have any?) Hahaha. Dilemma. Point is, I think i will, from here on, be a little more responsible for this side of me. There have been enough excuses for each of us to neglect parts of our life - and i think at some stage, we all need to break out from that mould of fear and trepidition.

:) Welcome back to my blog, if you are still reading it. Kam

PPS bought by MENJ?

PPS (Project Petaling Street) has been bought over by MENJ ..the extremist blogger...Source. oh my god. all for money?

please kick me on the ass....

I am working hard, yet I am feeling complecent. My focus is blurred at times, yet is sharp for most of it. Grrr. Frustration.

ps: 7th may 2009. be at Ipoh. Apparently they are giving away patriotism.